As Promised Earlier ...
Things about me which confirm my membership in the Fundamenalist for Life Club:
I have a Scofield Reference Bible on a prominent place on my desk.
I generally keep my hair cut over my ears.
I wear a suit and tie when I preach on Sunday mornings.
If they want my hymnbook they will have to pry it from my cold dead hand.
I always sing "Amen" at the end of the Doxology.
I have never preached a sermom through dance or in costume.
I don't clap after someone sings a solo in church (little kids excepted).
Demon alcohol has never crossed these lips.
Or his equally evil cousin tobbaco
Things about me that could get me kicked out of the Fundamentalist for Life Club:
I don't actually use the Scofield Reference Bible (it was my grandfathers).
My church has drums and I have even been known to play them from time to time.
I think the KJV only folks are a bit off their collective rockers.
I generally lose the coat and tie for Sunday evening services.
I occasionally visit the cinema.
As I post this I am listening to Barenaked Ladies ("If I had a million dollars we wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner....)
From time to time I will engage in civil conversation with the local United Methodist Pastor.
I am not totally convinced that the universe is less than 10,000 years old (that one is bound to ruffle some feathers assuming of course that anyone reads this)
And most shocking of all; I sometimes pray with my eyes open.
I have a Scofield Reference Bible on a prominent place on my desk.
I generally keep my hair cut over my ears.
I wear a suit and tie when I preach on Sunday mornings.
If they want my hymnbook they will have to pry it from my cold dead hand.
I always sing "Amen" at the end of the Doxology.
I have never preached a sermom through dance or in costume.
I don't clap after someone sings a solo in church (little kids excepted).
Demon alcohol has never crossed these lips.
Or his equally evil cousin tobbaco
Things about me that could get me kicked out of the Fundamentalist for Life Club:
I don't actually use the Scofield Reference Bible (it was my grandfathers).
My church has drums and I have even been known to play them from time to time.
I think the KJV only folks are a bit off their collective rockers.
I generally lose the coat and tie for Sunday evening services.
I occasionally visit the cinema.
As I post this I am listening to Barenaked Ladies ("If I had a million dollars we wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner....)
From time to time I will engage in civil conversation with the local United Methodist Pastor.
I am not totally convinced that the universe is less than 10,000 years old (that one is bound to ruffle some feathers assuming of course that anyone reads this)
And most shocking of all; I sometimes pray with my eyes open.
posted by Heavy G at 1.6.06
11 Comments:
I thought you wouldn't be heard if you prayed with your eyes open.
BTW...I'm KJV only....Not
Well who wouldn't listen to what barenaked ladies have to say?
Heavy -
This just made my A-list "If they want my hymnbook they will have to pry it from my cold dead hand"
I believe a small coffee table book of fundie gags like these would be a huge hit!
Glad you are posting again :)
Hey, what's a Future Expoitor?
Jeff, don't forget to add the fun interesting blog I have. It is thestorekeeper.blogspot.com
Hey Jeff,
Your blog is alive once again. Tell your wife that I would comment if she allowed "others" to comment. :)
I'm rather fond of your fundamentalist list. It is funny, but also so true! :)
LOL! That picture is tremendous! Did you do a Google image search for fundamentalist? Awesome!
I did try that but came up empty (mostly pics of Muslims) That pic came courtesy of the Purgatorio link in Jeremy's blog. Check out the devine vinyl posts.
I've seen that post. It's a winner.
Justin said that guy looks like a NASA employee from the 60's.
I'm sorry to get like this, but the universe is at least 10 billion LIGHTYEARS in every direction.
I think you're right.
www.whyihatejesus.blogspot.com/
Post a Comment
<< Home